MY WALLET FUCKING MAGICIAN.
MAKE ALL MY MONEY DISAPPEAR.
CHEEBYE IMBA.
liverpool wallet, son of david copperfield.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
1. fill a mug with a can of red bull original
2. fill a shotglass with jagermeister
3. drop shotglass into mug
4. chug mixture immediately
one jagerbomb : SHIOK AH.
two jagerbomb: SUPER SHIOK AH.
three jagerbomb: SIBEI SHIOK AHHH!
bet small win small
bet big win big
bet one mother... WIN TWO MOTHER.
LAI AH LAI AH.
2. fill a shotglass with jagermeister
3. drop shotglass into mug
4. chug mixture immediately
one jagerbomb : SHIOK AH.
two jagerbomb: SUPER SHIOK AH.
three jagerbomb: SIBEI SHIOK AHHH!
bet small win small
bet big win big
bet one mother... WIN TWO MOTHER.
LAI AH LAI AH.
Friday, January 23, 2009
QQ rejection QQ
I was rejected on a date that I so yearned for...
a date with...
.
.
.
.
Marc Lim
/cry
/tear
/suicide
this is how I got rejected.
.TED says:
eh marc
.TED says:
fall out boy having concert
.TED says:
want to go with me =D?
(after 5 mins)
Marc-.~ says:
lol, i going with old classmates i think
.TED says:
CCB ABANDON ME
.TED says:
ok fine...
(thus I tried a 2nd time to get a date with Marc)
.TED says:
eh marc
Marc-.~ says:
?
.TED says:
can i go with you and your friends and relive the days we sat together while you sang "sugar we're going down"
Marc-.~ says:
u cant be serious O_o
.TED says:
you're right
.TED says:
it wasn't "sugar we're going down" it was "dance dance"
I could infer that he wasn't the tiniest bit interested... oh well...
a date with...
.
.
.
.
Marc Lim
/cry
/tear
/suicide
this is how I got rejected.
.TED says:
eh marc
.TED says:
fall out boy having concert
.TED says:
want to go with me =D?
(after 5 mins)
Marc-.~ says:
lol, i going with old classmates i think
.TED says:
CCB ABANDON ME
.TED says:
ok fine...
(thus I tried a 2nd time to get a date with Marc)
.TED says:
eh marc
Marc-.~ says:
?
.TED says:
can i go with you and your friends and relive the days we sat together while you sang "sugar we're going down"
Marc-.~ says:
u cant be serious O_o
.TED says:
you're right
.TED says:
it wasn't "sugar we're going down" it was "dance dance"
I could infer that he wasn't the tiniest bit interested... oh well...
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
So today was 1st mass PE day. I died multiple times.
Stamina so shit.
Stomach so fat.
Lungs so heavy.
No more bakchor mee for you fatboy.
So I got off 153 and walked towards the usual alleyway that I go through every single day. Not more than 20 metres behind me is some cheena worker cyclist who stays in this block of rental apartments for foreign workers located along the alleyway. In the middle of the alleyway was another cheena worker. I was walking towards the end when I heared sniggering through my plugged-in earpieces...
OH SHIT THEY'RE GONNA ROB ME.
Feeling a sense of panic, my brain began to think of what could be the most suitable weapon my bag carried at the moment.
The answer came up as..
1. My GC
2. My smelly PE shirt
3. Physics promo paper (maybe my shit marks can scare them into repentance)
I quickly spun round, more or less (probably less) prepared to meet my foes in MORTAL KOMBAT.
Then I noticed what they were laughing at.
My shitty spoilt school shoes which I told everyone I picked up from the dumpster because I was emulating the Pao Ba Hai Zhi (Homerun) boy.
Oh well time to buy new shoes.
Stamina so shit.
Stomach so fat.
Lungs so heavy.
No more bakchor mee for you fatboy.
So I got off 153 and walked towards the usual alleyway that I go through every single day. Not more than 20 metres behind me is some cheena worker cyclist who stays in this block of rental apartments for foreign workers located along the alleyway. In the middle of the alleyway was another cheena worker. I was walking towards the end when I heared sniggering through my plugged-in earpieces...
OH SHIT THEY'RE GONNA ROB ME.
Feeling a sense of panic, my brain began to think of what could be the most suitable weapon my bag carried at the moment.
The answer came up as..
1. My GC
2. My smelly PE shirt
3. Physics promo paper (maybe my shit marks can scare them into repentance)
I quickly spun round, more or less (probably less) prepared to meet my foes in MORTAL KOMBAT.
Then I noticed what they were laughing at.
My shitty spoilt school shoes which I told everyone I picked up from the dumpster because I was emulating the Pao Ba Hai Zhi (Homerun) boy.
Oh well time to buy new shoes.
Friday, December 26, 2008
5th day of christmas
On the fifth day of Christmas, my Mama sent to me, 5...GOLDEN..RINGS!!
4 FOR THE PONYTAIL
3 4 5
2 4 1
and a partridge in a pear tree.
4 FOR THE PONYTAIL
3 4 5
2 4 1
and a partridge in a pear tree.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
%$@#! SUICIDE PLEASE THANKS
You know how bad days start out when people wake up?
Mine started out at 12am. BEFORE I EVEN HAD A CHANCE TO GET INTO FUCKING BED.
So there I am, staring at the screen since its tuesday night, or maybe Wednesday morning, I've just spent the past 3 hours downloading music and just when i wanted to add all the songs into my itunes, I realized that all the files have some write protection shit on it so its impossible to open the file or something when its transferred, and since I didn't know what to do with that shit, INTO THE RECYCLE BIN YOU GO BITCH, 3 HOURS DOWN THE DRAIN.
I got pissed off and started reading Eclipse, which I shouldn't have because it pissed me off further. Who in the right mind wants to read about getting lost in those dreamy liquid golden eyes and touching his cold stone skin while getting lost in his "delicious" (wtf?) scent WHEN YOU ARE ALREADY IRRITATED.
Stephenie Meyer is so predictable, I could write another book to add to her series, lets call it "Yet another book to describe Edward Cullen's face".
So the vampires are friends with the werewolves already, LETS THROW IN NEW CHARACTERS TO ENDANGER THE LIVES OF BOTH SPECIES! and we shall call the new character/characters, Han Velsing and friends.
But really, who cares about the characters who are out to murder them when we can just write about their blossoming romance right?
RIGHT, so lets start off.
(THE WORKS OF TEDMOND NG, SCREW OFF STEPHENIE MEYER)
As I looked into his liquid golden eyes, I began to lose focus of my surroundings. My breathing was erratic, coming out in short breathless gasps as I took in the perfect view of his flawless facial features. His smooth skin, felt icy cold against the touch of my hand... "Wait... why am I observing your skin Edward? Its nothing compared to your beautiful, gorgeous eyes, so let me stare at it again."
Edward smiled the crooked smile, I loved soo much and starts blabbering about how much he loves me (like I really care.. I'm just in this whole thing for his eyes). "My love for you lasts as long as when the forest is green, the valleys are deep, the sky is wide and the oceans are blue..."
"Oh Edward, I am so touched... turn me into a vampire now pleasssseeeee...."
"No... It will destroy your humanity!"
"My decision will not waver... soon one of us will give in Edward, but for now, let me continue staring into your... oh so mesmerizing eyes."
So lets continue with my shitty day.
I woke up, this morning at 7.30am and wanted to get some breakfast since its one of those days I actually get to have breakfast and not wake up at 2pm in the afternoon.
The moment I step downstairs, I see my dad sitting on the living room couch... maybe I can walk to the kitchen without him noticing... just maybe...
No chance, he calls me to sit opposite him because he wants to talk.
When my dad wants to talk, its not only about sex, somehow life philosophy, drugs, smoking, drinking, gambling all comes into the conversation.
Father: SIT
Me: What?
Father: Why you never study, still going out and still gaming?
Me: Sorry father.
Father: You taking drugs?
Me: No sir
Father: You smoking? drinking? gambling?
Me: No sir
Father: Got go Geylang?
Me: You think?
Father: Not lying?
Me: Yes father.
Father: If you need help, ask God. Ok let us pray for God to forgive you.
Me: (OH FUCK...)
Extend this to a half hour talk and this is the shit I went through.
Guess what? Its only 9.15am, less than half the day is over, I wonder what other shit I'm going to get into.
Mine started out at 12am. BEFORE I EVEN HAD A CHANCE TO GET INTO FUCKING BED.
So there I am, staring at the screen since its tuesday night, or maybe Wednesday morning, I've just spent the past 3 hours downloading music and just when i wanted to add all the songs into my itunes, I realized that all the files have some write protection shit on it so its impossible to open the file or something when its transferred, and since I didn't know what to do with that shit, INTO THE RECYCLE BIN YOU GO BITCH, 3 HOURS DOWN THE DRAIN.
I got pissed off and started reading Eclipse, which I shouldn't have because it pissed me off further. Who in the right mind wants to read about getting lost in those dreamy liquid golden eyes and touching his cold stone skin while getting lost in his "delicious" (wtf?) scent WHEN YOU ARE ALREADY IRRITATED.
Stephenie Meyer is so predictable, I could write another book to add to her series, lets call it "Yet another book to describe Edward Cullen's face".
So the vampires are friends with the werewolves already, LETS THROW IN NEW CHARACTERS TO ENDANGER THE LIVES OF BOTH SPECIES! and we shall call the new character/characters, Han Velsing and friends.
But really, who cares about the characters who are out to murder them when we can just write about their blossoming romance right?
RIGHT, so lets start off.
(THE WORKS OF TEDMOND NG, SCREW OFF STEPHENIE MEYER)
As I looked into his liquid golden eyes, I began to lose focus of my surroundings. My breathing was erratic, coming out in short breathless gasps as I took in the perfect view of his flawless facial features. His smooth skin, felt icy cold against the touch of my hand... "Wait... why am I observing your skin Edward? Its nothing compared to your beautiful, gorgeous eyes, so let me stare at it again."
Edward smiled the crooked smile, I loved soo much and starts blabbering about how much he loves me (like I really care.. I'm just in this whole thing for his eyes). "My love for you lasts as long as when the forest is green, the valleys are deep, the sky is wide and the oceans are blue..."
"Oh Edward, I am so touched... turn me into a vampire now pleasssseeeee...."
"No... It will destroy your humanity!"
"My decision will not waver... soon one of us will give in Edward, but for now, let me continue staring into your... oh so mesmerizing eyes."
So lets continue with my shitty day.
I woke up, this morning at 7.30am and wanted to get some breakfast since its one of those days I actually get to have breakfast and not wake up at 2pm in the afternoon.
The moment I step downstairs, I see my dad sitting on the living room couch... maybe I can walk to the kitchen without him noticing... just maybe...
No chance, he calls me to sit opposite him because he wants to talk.
When my dad wants to talk, its not only about sex, somehow life philosophy, drugs, smoking, drinking, gambling all comes into the conversation.
Father: SIT
Me: What?
Father: Why you never study, still going out and still gaming?
Me: Sorry father.
Father: You taking drugs?
Me: No sir
Father: You smoking? drinking? gambling?
Me: No sir
Father: Got go Geylang?
Me: You think?
Father: Not lying?
Me: Yes father.
Father: If you need help, ask God. Ok let us pray for God to forgive you.
Me: (OH FUCK...)
Extend this to a half hour talk and this is the shit I went through.
Guess what? Its only 9.15am, less than half the day is over, I wonder what other shit I'm going to get into.
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